I feel like writing. I've been watching this TV show with writers on it and it's making me miss my blog. Though I'm actually thinking of abandoning this blog and starting a new one that has more of a purpose.
But for now this will work.
Do you ever get in a rut and not really know how to get yourself out?
I feel this way.
It's mostly just the way I perceive myself. I think not being a student had thrown me for a loop. My life is very structured now. Whereas as a student life was deadlines and unpredictable. Having a career is not as exciting I guess.
Our maybe my funk is caused by my lack of friendships. Though I've never really had a lot of friends and it's never really been a big deal. But I think it's harder to make friends as a married couple.Especially in Provo. Because nobody expects you to stick around very long.
Or maybe it's that I'm gaining weight and that always throws my self image out the window. Puts me in a bad mood. And makes me hate looking at myself in the mirror.
But I think this feeling is starting to go away. Yesterday we went to the temple. I like the quiet time I get to think there. Plus you know it's the temple and you just get this overall grateful peaceful feeling there.
I was just sitting there thinking about my family. I'm so blessed to have a family that I can be with for forever. I feel so blessed for Adrian, who shows me everyday his love for me even when I feel undeserving. I'm so grateful for a Heavenly Father who loves me so much He gives me so many opportunities to repent and be fee from sin. (weekly at sacrament meeting, prayers of repentance every night, baptism, the temple). He really does love each of us and care for each of us.
Sometimes I get sad because I don't have many friends and I feel like I'm not really somebody people care to invite to do things with. I guess I just have an inferiority complex. But yesterday at the temple the lady who was helping me was so happy I was there. And I had never even met her before. I doubt I'll ever see her again. She was so happy I was there and she started crying, and she gave me a big hug before I left and said "Be sure to come back next week."
It was a tender mercy from the Lord to let me know that I do matter. That I am making a difference in some peoples lives. It's hard to explain the feeling I got from that experience but it was wonderful. It's helping me realize my identity as a daughter of God, which is something I've been praying to understand better.
Anyways, this should probably be a journal entry but, I don't think many people read this anymore anyways.
But for now this will work.
Do you ever get in a rut and not really know how to get yourself out?
I feel this way.
It's mostly just the way I perceive myself. I think not being a student had thrown me for a loop. My life is very structured now. Whereas as a student life was deadlines and unpredictable. Having a career is not as exciting I guess.
Our maybe my funk is caused by my lack of friendships. Though I've never really had a lot of friends and it's never really been a big deal. But I think it's harder to make friends as a married couple.Especially in Provo. Because nobody expects you to stick around very long.
Or maybe it's that I'm gaining weight and that always throws my self image out the window. Puts me in a bad mood. And makes me hate looking at myself in the mirror.
But I think this feeling is starting to go away. Yesterday we went to the temple. I like the quiet time I get to think there. Plus you know it's the temple and you just get this overall grateful peaceful feeling there.
I was just sitting there thinking about my family. I'm so blessed to have a family that I can be with for forever. I feel so blessed for Adrian, who shows me everyday his love for me even when I feel undeserving. I'm so grateful for a Heavenly Father who loves me so much He gives me so many opportunities to repent and be fee from sin. (weekly at sacrament meeting, prayers of repentance every night, baptism, the temple). He really does love each of us and care for each of us.
Sometimes I get sad because I don't have many friends and I feel like I'm not really somebody people care to invite to do things with. I guess I just have an inferiority complex. But yesterday at the temple the lady who was helping me was so happy I was there. And I had never even met her before. I doubt I'll ever see her again. She was so happy I was there and she started crying, and she gave me a big hug before I left and said "Be sure to come back next week."
It was a tender mercy from the Lord to let me know that I do matter. That I am making a difference in some peoples lives. It's hard to explain the feeling I got from that experience but it was wonderful. It's helping me realize my identity as a daughter of God, which is something I've been praying to understand better.
Anyways, this should probably be a journal entry but, I don't think many people read this anymore anyways.
posted from Bloggeroid
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